************* 12/10/22 yesterday i played project zomboid with 2 friends aall day im exhuasted waaaaaaaaaaaa ************* 12/8/22 i dreamt i went to a small library, but i knew i already went there before like a very hidden memory had just unlocked, i knew whata was about to happen and i knew exactly what to ask for, there were small wooden puzzles in the wall, i searched trough the library of course nothing i wwanted was there, i knew it was on the library next door, a bigger one. a young woman asked me what i was looking for as if i had already known her, and i told her i wanted the book i was reading before, she smiled as if she wasnt really surprised and gve me a small 2 pages childrens, i was confused, and i felt betrayed this was the book i waanted but it wasnt.. the pages werent there, i knew it wasnt it had red hard covers and no illustraations i demanded the book i waanted and she gave in, i went running to my mom to get it but she knew i had already read that book, she told me with a harsh no that i will never get it i should just forget about him and that she doesnt trust me like she used to i told her i wouldnt do it again, aand she ave me big lectures on how i dont know i dont remember last thing i remember was crying in her red shirt and waking up, i dont know if that actually had oncehappened o was just a dream about a dream, because i remember the first memory so vividly ************* 12/7/22 since i finished all l4d2 campaigns i hve decided to try out new gamemodes!! theyre so very fun actually i rlly enjoy the versus one where u get to be an infected too against the other team1!! i should play the other gamemodes, i feel realism might be way too hard 4 me tho >_< TODAYI ATE 5 TANGERINES ************* 12/6/22 im very eepyi want a coffee but my mom will probs get mad at me... waaaaaa , theres a concert in las vegas and machine girl aand deftones soad and lots of others r going grrrrrrrr i wanna go but im poor and not old enough probably!!! i wanted to play a few things lately but im so tired i wnna go back to sleeping late even though its probs not healthier but i dont mind, i wanna use my days as effectively as possible. but playing games without the music is often nottt tht great i guess ? i dont even know i should clean my room today but im soooooo so tired its a disaster.... sad moment...... IDK WHAT ELSE TO TALK ABOUT did i mention i tried to mod my 3ds i got halfway there until my dads microsd reader literlly broke. i was so close. i felt pretty smart opening the 3ds with a screwdriver, like a technician, its also just fun tryna fix problems that appear suddenly!!!! i was modding it for a friend, he wanted to play a game but he didnt have a 3ds so i offered to do it BUT the microsd readeer broke sooo idk.. ************* 12/5/22 just recently a friend startedsuffering very bad derealization episodes apparently and i really dont know how to help him, or even if thats the correct thing to call what hes been living lately, im scared and worried for him, i hope things get better... today not a lot happened, i made myself coffee with a little of sugar that how i liek it i used to like it with milk but i just grew bored of it i guessssss, did i mention i bought l4d 1 just because a friend told me to ,I FEEL SCAMMED I MEAN ITS NOT BAD BUT SHE DIDNT MENTION ITS LITERALLY THE SAME AS L4D2 BUT WORSE, AIS ARE RETARDED U CANT MOD IT AND THERES NO MELEE WEAPONS SO FAR INTO THE GAME PLUS ITS GOT THE EXACT SAME CAMPAIGNS AS 2, i guess its good to distract a little from the l4d2 but idk, alteast it was only 1 dollar ************* 12/4/22 TODAY I HAD TO BATHR TWICE BECAUSE I USED THE WRONG SHAMPOO AND MY HAIR IS PURPLE NOOOOOO ************* 12/3/22 Good night everypony, today i didn't do much but to be fair i wasnt really kind of here to begin with i dont remember most of my day really i was pretty unfocused to tell whats been happening, recently my appetites been pretty gone its kind of weird how it flunctuates a lot. i do remember today i played project zomboid with two friends and its talked about for a reason, it is so damn hard.... i died like 4 times before getting to my friends... its.. silly sigh... i also played left 4 ded, its so fun i love it it's probs my favorite game ever in the world although i only have 40 hours on it it just makes me happy and distracts me from sad things... recently i did all the campaigns so im tryna get to them in advanced mode now... itll be a pain but i hope i can, l4d2 its such a versatile game theres a lot of gamemodes and u always have new things to do, and addons to try, and you can play with friends, theres even a story to get into, and the prequel game i love it... id like to get full achievements soon too, ************* 12/2/22 I did my homework today and played with a classmate a very akward Minecraft session, we barely talk we are both way too shy.... ************* 12/1/22 homework... is way too much... uuaghh ************* 11/30/22 i... still have lots of homework left to do... and im gonna cry if i dont get it done today. BUT IM TRYNA MOD MY 3DS AND ITS SO HARD WHY (but i feel so smart) but why hsnt technology advabced enough to make this easier because holy shiiiit ************* 11/29/22 school was pretty stressing today, ive been procrastinating homework and so far ive got no progress in... ill have to stay up late.. i rlly wanna gradute already, i couldnt understand my math most recent topic .... its harsh,,,, i bought counter strike source for half a doller for gmod moslty but a friend told me that we should start playng ittogether... im i do want to but i feel!!!! way too busy for it right now, for everything really.... once someone told me that you alwaysget different results from trying weed and i got to see it face to face. MY FRIEND GOT TOO HIGH AND HE WAS AALLUCINATING HE SAW SONY NEW VEGAS TRANSITIONS IN REAL LIFE AND THEY WERE CRUSHING HIS FACE his eyes got all read and he just saw everything a little bit too tall?? kind of like those old games lolol, he got weird fov, he told me it was funnt but it hurt a little, ANYWAYS I GOTTA HOMEWORK NOW WAAAAAA ************* 11/28/22 today wasnt that bad!!! i ve been trying all day to get this steam game to work for me but its to hard , in a few ill b calling with a friend while hes high, hes silly ************* 11/27/22 Happy 27th :3 dear, i have finally finished all of my school work... twas harsh... but worth it!! sorry to be mentionng u so much lately!!! im sorry i have already read ur entry... i just really do feel lonely.. hehe silly ur gift was AWESOME quite honeslty the best thing ever someone has gifted me, its even better cause i know its from you. i cried :p , i wish i could talk to u everyday, theres moments i just wannaa quit and go back to talking...
hehe silly!! that was just a bible passage i really liked , at that time i mentioned i would start reading the bible :p, ikr!! i dont think ill continue saya no uta without u , it doesnt feel quite right,. plus i would probably just start getting emotional. i made a silly dare with myself, i would not uninstall the game for these next 2 years so i could still have it there for once we can go back to play.., im very excited for next year too!! it wil be quite a weird and probably stressful part of my life, but im ready to roll with it, i may even get new friends to top it off, :3 heh im crying already again i love you too its really hard to go on without you ************* 11/26/22 its so hard to pretend i dont care sometimes, but i do care, I CARE MEXICO LOST AGAINST ARGENTINIANS I HATE ALL OF THIS I HATE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM IM CRYING AND AGONIZING. I HAVE TO PRETEND I DONT CARE BUT I DO I DO AA LOT , MY ONLY HOPE IS THAT MEXICO WINS AGAINST ARABIA AND POLAND AGAINST ARGENTINA BUT lets be real.... My last resort is to start rooting for brazil , i feel quite nostalgic lately.. not too much to do i guess, been reaindg old discord messages from our old chats, and from other people too, i remember i once mentioned having kids , and u said u didnt want any, how times change huh... hehe,,, i kept readin and, its funny how after october basically we just started kind of like flirting with eachother, ididnt see it before but i notice now... its kinda cute ************* 11/25/22 good day :p today i didnt do much aside drawingactually, im quite desesperate.... theres steam sales n im, broke. completely broke. ive been a little worried about next school cicle, ill go to a new level of school and i wanna choose th one that will maake me happier... but theyre expensive... or i dk im just worried i have a lot of homework to do aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I FINISHED NEKOPAARA 2 FUCK I HATE AZUKI BECAUSE SHES SO ,,,,,,,,, SILLY...LIKE ME and its.. like me... n u......i love nekopara ************* 11/24/22 i just came back from volleyball practice, it wanst that harsh today, coach didnt seem to be so angry today. i guess i do have friends, but its different you know, i still feel so lonely, but i cant tell that to anybody anymore, i feel i pushed all of my close friends aside cause i tend to isolate myself for long periods of time, but i guess they finally moved on from me, i miss having someone to talk to , but in reality i guess i just miss you, i do have one friend i feel somewhat close with, although hes an internet one and hes not very great with words but i guess he tries his best, today i overheard a conversation of some classmates about a girl and his boyfriend, how they were always together, and that the girl stopped talkking to her friends and isolating herself, and how they both were gonna grow tired of eachother, i think thats what happened to me, not growing tired, just eventually stoped having friends unconciously, i guess u fulfilled both the role of a friend and a boyfriend, so i didnt really feel the need to talk to anybody else, when i had so much fun with you everyday, i guess this is quite a consequence of it. :p it is what it is, next school year will probs be different ************* 11/23/22 i havent drawn anything properly, i feel a little sad at that.. :( this day wasnt that great, i wish i wasnt so sad all the time , its grossing me out at this point and i cant sugarcoat it with lana del rey anymore , i hate not having friends i dont know what to do anymore ************* 11/22/22 i cannot stand school is way too much 4 me... i dont think i have any close friends anymore, i miss you, ive been trying to get new friends but it doesnt seem to be working, at last weeks convention some 20 yr old dude asked for my imstagram to tag me in a photo but he kept messaging me?? its so weird i think ill block him,, i wish i had more to tell but there hasnt been much going on, ive been thinking of an old friend, recently, i think he was actually the first person i ever grew attached with like this, i wish i could talk to him just once the only thing im excited for anymore is getting medicated, i hope things get better after that ************* 11/21/22 I've been sleeping way to little and taking care of my hygiene even less, i cant seem to remember even when was the last time i ate and i constantly get distracted i don't know what to do, tomorrow I'll put it together.. i swear ************* 11/20/22 honestly im just too tired to do anything riegth now. my feet hurt my back hurt my head hurts and its cold as fuck. while entering the ukagaka rabbit hole. i encountered a old ghost made by some guy who loved to draw elementary school girls in compromising situations...... and he has had a blog since 2001 most likely not aactive anymore...what a wonderful place the net is amirite ************* 11/19/22 good morning! today i will go to a children's party, i shall prepare for fun and eating candy, i havent drawn anything in a long time so i feel a little lost ? i dont know , yesterday i continued nekopara 2, i had forgotten how silly it is, its just so akward.... and cringe.. but i love catgirls... so its ok... i may update more later
recently my mother told me that i wont ever stop being sad, because i seem to enjoy it, but now is that true?........ perhaaps... i personaally feel, comfortable in my own sadness, although most of the times i cannot really point out what im feeling, but im sure, as long as im crying im having a mixture of emotions, that surely involves sadness, and i cry a whole lot, yet i cant really explain why, exactly it always seems to be for several things at a time, one thing leads to another, which reminds me of that other thing, and it ends up snowballing until the day gets ruined, i feel there is something wrong with me, maybe not in a bad sense, but im convinced that if everybody was like me we would all be dead by now, maybe im just victim of the situation, but i feel it only worsens
if i have time tomorrow ill add the girlblog section where ill talk about girl
if someboddy told me i had autism or something like that i wouldnt doubt it for a second, so i've been wondering what is it that im doing wrong, maybe others just dont open up about their feelings like i do, but they seem to be living so comfortably all the time, im not good at writing down my thoughts,,,, everything is so scattered around... i need to leaarn to express myself ************* 11/18/22 power went off... ************* 11/17/22 today thursday i didn't go to school, i tricked my parents into that heh,, arent i smart now i have a 5 day bridge IM A GENIUS i spend most day fooling around in my puter, with a friend, tomorow i will play tons and... i haven't been able to draw anything good lately... so im a little discourage d by that but it's okay anyways... I'm very excited for my convention, i ate so bad yesterday and so i did today but let's take it kind of like a metabolism boost, i know its ridiculous, but im scared to lose all the progress ive made all my life to become skinnier someone can't just gain 15 kilograms back in two days, but i am still paranoid over it, i guess it just isnt about how i look anyways it all comes down to numbers, at this point, i felt at ease when i have control compared to when i don't.. i feel distressed and like i have to do something, but i really can't do anything to not eat, when it's a fact of just not doing it, it only takes time. I've come to realize it's not about fighting the cravings it's about convincing yourself you don't actually want it, and that you will feel sick just say you're not hungry a couple of times and you'll end up believing it, stay distracted, how much can you let go of for your dream , isnt feeling good for yourself worth more than a piece of the cake, soon enough you'll loose your appetite and it'll be easier, but the toughest times is when it comes back, it usually isn't so bad, a metabolism boost is always good, the problem is keeping it down again, eating has lost its magic ever since, and its rare to find pleasure on it anymore my hair keeps falling off for fucks sake ************* 11/16/22 im back home! i think i had a fairly ok daay not too bad ijust average? today was my cheat day so i got to eat a lot, well not a lot i just didnt skip foods today. ut i havt to go back tomorrow to normalcy, i have to be 46 kg by 20th, for insight im 47-48. recently ive been trynsa befriend one guy at my school. hs such a big lame loser. hes just ?? mad? aat the world hes just an unhappy boy. maybe he just needs a friend, but... he left me on seen,,, for a day but i still have faith , this is also for me specially... i need friends waaaah, i just hoppe we end up being friends.. ************* 11/15/22 i dont think its fair. i dont think most things are fair anyways... i've been, lonely? not too much, i feel constantly confused, and im always changing opinions on relationships, goals etc. i didnt do much today aside from volleyball, my days do be getting boring. i watched black swan yesterday it was a fun movie, sometimes i wonder what makes me happy, and there's not too much to answer, but theres two things that for sure make me happy , both of them which i dont have, i have been trying to fulfill this with different but similar stuff, but it doesnt seem to work, i feel i have got to give up already and i think thats what im gonna do for a while. im tired of school ************* 11/14/22 hie. today was a day, before anything this might,,, be kward because my a key doesnt work so easily... sooo i might b skipping it little. first off i got chnged to nother clssroom today, because i trefused to go with the immigrants, snd i got sat next to a boy who ws aa little meaan....... but other thaan thaat ok. i also delivred the cupckes for evrybody aand a girl kept asking me to give her one, shes auritistic, i told her no in the meanest wy possible. i waaas tired of her. did i mention i strted plying museeeee daaaaaash , its so so so so fun , i wnnaa sfford the dlc with over 700 songs but im broke after my last purchase... tragec, i hve been thiking for a while. wouldnt the ideaa of saakuy being slved by the scarlet sisters be so tragic. imagine her being taken waway from her home. now serves her evil caapturers, flan keeps pulling paainful nd cruel pranks on her because she doesnt understand how fragile humaans r, and remilia keeps assigning her overly complicted tasks and skuya fucking dies, then gets revived to keep serving them nd they keep her in s cell smtimes and has a big metaal ball chained to her ankle SMETHING LIKE THTT its just silly to think. ************* 11/13/22 hie yal, sorry for late update 2day to, i was playing basically all day, not too muchto say abt today, i played l4d2 wkth two friends today pretty cool uhhh.... what else oh yeag I'm starting to play osu !!agajn, im gonna beat everyones.. and i feel ive gotten better at art, SOZ FOR SHORT UPDATEA I WAS BUSY oh also and tomorrow ! im goong to bake cupcakes for my friends finally i hope they like them im so excited to give those to them heh... this weekend was fast, i wonder if i lived in the past i would be diagnosed with female hysteria, it would b funy, my keybord is broken i hve to use my phpne now.... aa SORRY IF LACK UPDTES CUS OF THIS , i strted liking juice
ok so actual entry for today yupi, so today i woke up and i was supposed to go in the morning to bake cupcakes at my grandmas but we changed plans and we have to do it in the afternoon. i started playing osu again and muse dash I had forgotten how much i liked rythm games !! ive also been feeling a little stressed ive got a lot things to do, i mean mostly personal things i wanna do but uhh yeah , i also need money, i got a comission for 15 recently but i need moar ahh!!! ive been wondering wether i should work in a mc donald. i didnt draw today but i should and i havent played a lot recently cuz of the keyboard thing.. but it night just be a good chance to finish Milky holmes while i cant be All day on l4d, i will have to tell my friend about that lool, im excited to bake cupcakes !! jeje, uhmmm also im excited for the convention, but i have to cut the wigs bangs... ah i need to make a reminder list..thats pretty much it i thinl ************* 11/12/22 yesterday i uploaeded very late... i mean basically thd bext day but i hadnt slept SO IT COUNTS OK , yesterday i was playing with a fruend in vc, why do argentinians talkso silly goodness ************* 11/11/22 im mad I'm mad !!! i had to stay all afternoon at another persons house, i wanted to draw and do my own stuff why does everything have to be so annoying im just so mad at everything, things wont go my way grrrr, i just wish tomorrow is better, is weekend anyways, so i couldnt do a lot today, but i did come ti the realization cannibal corpse is a walking joke but i dont care i love it anyways, theyre just silly, and the vocalist is some ugly ass dude, loool but its more fitting ngl, when this school year is over ill go to another school but my parents dont want to pay the one i want, even if i get a scholarship of half off, but i get that we just cant even afford that..., so im a little sad, BUT in better news im planning to bake some sweets for my new friends so they become even more my friends... i think its a useful resource granted that i have a lot of trouble talking to them a lot, so giving them a treat will probably make them like me more i hope, i also wish i could play more uuuh i have like 0 time..... i hate this but its what i have to do abyways.., last time i played persona i died to 3 stupid birds ************* 11/10/22 hie everyponeeeeee, i rdejected my friend and he didnt took it too well.. idk if were even stil friends, but if he just stops talking to me then it means he probably wasnt that much of a frienc anyways... today i plan to drawy a lot!!! i havent drawn a lot lately soooo yeah, i was planning to play with a friend of mine today but he was adragged to a family gathering, pretty lame stuff... uhhhh alsoooo my best friendie moved next door inst that awesome, we went out and we pet a bunch of cats and did sily stuff we plan to go out later today too, i also finished exams, they were pretty harsh,, i have to do better next time, i uhhh dont know what else to write... ************* 11/9/22 today wasnt realy going that great, a friend confessed to me, i thought about it for quite a while but it kepts really making me sick to my stomach , its not that i hate him, hes my friend, but would i really like to do couple things with him ? maybe... ? i wouldnt know, but i dont know if i wanna know, like i said, this whole idea of dating him makes me feel sick , i dont know if its just him or it would be everybody, i dont know, i am confused as to why when i repeated to myself that what i needed was someone, but i probably was wrong, very likely , i guess one has to get used to being alone but its hard after all this time, ill just keep being his friend, im very tired so i wont write more.. good nightt ************* 11/8/22 good day everybody, today i have mixed feeling bout several stuff, today at school i stay from 2-6 but my training starts 4-6 in those two hours i regularly use my phone, but the teachers say its not allowed gawd its not even class its not even school give me a break... im pretty sure im not having a good time, but i wouldnt know, its hard to exactly point out what in feeling, i feel lonely, i wish, i had more people, or maybe i dont, i guess i wish, i was with him, or i was with someone, but, it wouldnt be the same, i dont want just anything, i want what i had again, but it wont comeback just now, not soon maybe dating somebody else will stop my pain, for a while? but it wouldnt be the same and like i said i dont want just anything i want it all back, ive been a sad girl for a while, not like my life is really tragic or anything really, im just sad, maybe its everyone that feels this, but constantly bad feelings overwhelm me, and i just wish for a better future and fantasize about going back to the past, its like that one lana del rey song, im just really confused, ill probably have to, wait loll just keep existing and eventually move on , but its no use to just say it, i dont really wanna move on i enjoy drowning in my sadness and grief, its what my younger self would have wanted me to do, being tragic is being pretty or whatever that girl said... my friend made me a favour and asked a person what he liked he, surprisingly replied touhou i mean, i probably do like it more than him but isnt it interesting, i didn't expect it , maybe its my cue to talk for once to somebody new, but im not really eager, im excited for my figures tho ************* 11/7/22 good day, school went by fairly quick, today something funne happened, my friend after hearing about how my last relationship had just ended so abruptly she decided to have me pair up with several people to see which one i liekd the most, i think I DONT WANT TOSAY IT WAS RUDE... but i didnt appreciate it that mmuch, and its not about me its about them, i know if i got a new boyfriend itll end up badly, specially right now that i feel such loss, it would be unfair to be there just because i want to fill that void, today i played lobocorp but i dont want to say a lot because im planning to make a game section, my friend recently moved near my home!!! we will be able to go out anyday if we want to, isnt that funsies heh, i dont know what else to say, no wait i do, in this months convention i will go as rei, i wasnt really sure about how the cosplay would turn out(i was convinced it would suck on me),,, but i quite liked it, uhhhh remmber that steam friend, we talk everyday now, he is fun, and nice, hehehehehehehe, he likes breakcore, i do too, but i have decided to listen more to it to talk to him about it more, i personally like goreshit a lot, i think my fav album is tomboyish loe for soda pops blah blah and my love feels all wrong i love earrape ************* 11/6/22 huuullo today i have quite some funny things to tell now back to that friday Halloween party i made one friend his name is em his, he is nice and he always talks to me and its just fun having someone to talk to, we played genshin for around an hour and it was fun, one of my friends likes him, she keeps being creepy and mean to me because we talk but i tell her im not interested yet she doesn't seem to believe me, thats fine eemm what else, today i installed the sims 4 since it was free now, i spendt all morning looking for mods to make my sim look as cute as possible, kind of managed, but her clothes r boring as all hell, but that's okay, you know, even if the sims is a casual game i feel... its kinda hard.. i get stressed making my sim feel better, liek why doesnt she just endure it, life sucks and u cant do what u wanna do most times, YET I DONT BURN MY HOUSE DOWN BECAUSE OF IT this little human requires constant attention, all she knows how to do is piss and get sick over fruitcake, i have to manage everything so she doesnt die, but i also have to fulfill her social needs, and petsonal goals for her to not be sad i wanted to have two sims to Marry them but i didnt know how to do it, so i have to find a sim , marry it and change his name and appearence, but probably later ..i have others things to do right now, today i probably wont be playing l4d2 with my friend because im going to my grandmas, but i will talk to him, lets call him rigby because hes silly and has a rigby profile picture, yesterday him and i did the dead air and dark carnival whatever campagin pretty damn fun, we talked about things in general too, i missed him, we had known each other for years hut lost contact i have played way too much other games but i haven't played persona or milky holmes, well i did one more chapter of milky Holmes where they officially become a team after latest events, i also haven't added that game section... but by next week i shall have it done, i will need to draw more too, ermmmm ah and this month ive got a convention to attend so thats something to look forward to, i have 25 dollars saved for a figure there, ah abd the two figured i ordered haven't been shipped yet... sadness, while playing lobotomy corporation today, i got the second trumpet due to some abnormalities breaching and the uh doubt event, the music really makes u tense up huh... just makes u wanna pause, cry and think of the next best move to minimize damage and increase success rate for ur employees, i rlly love this game, ill write down everything i needto do so i dont forger, :3 ************* 11/5/22 haiii everypony, yesterday i didnt have time to update so i will tel that i started talking again with an old friend i used to be quite close with we played minecraft and l4d2 for a bit, hes super nice and all, i had a lot of fun playing l4d2, i did the no mercy campaign but it didnt give me the uhh ACHIEVEMENT so thats weird , im planning to do a games section later on, ill go for the sewing machine 2day, on my way home from a thing i had to attend to, i was thinking about farms, are they even sustainable at this point, if i had one would i have time for my own hobbie, probs not, i hate physical work but it would be a nice challenge.. yk yk, if i lived on a farm i would learn to garden, and do old lady stuff like knitting and stuff and cooking, i feel a little bad about the friend i told u guys about yesterday, he seems very lonely, but i am too so im really on the same spot too, i hope we can keep talking, by the way!!! lobotomy corporations soundtrack is sooooo good i miss you ************* 11/4/22 hie, i woke up sick kbut i had to attend school anyways.... harsh not a lot to school today, my friend who LOVES hatsune miku , we will call him emi, is wriiting a song rn for it and its very cute and nice!!! i hope he manages to do it, guitard do sounds very hard tho, my hands are too small to even play it... my friend that.. is no longer my friend got mad at me and kept being mean n stuff, i still feel im in the right...i got steam again yipee, i dont have much to say right now, yesterday i slept late to finish my work..ill probs update more later on ************* 11/3/22 another busy day today.... got way too much unecessary school drama and all i want is to finish all l4d2 campaigns, im quite stressed with everything lately, i haven't had time for myself, didnt i say that too yesterday lolol, i feel i have no time for nothing, i need to get art done (im prolly gonna close comissions for a while schools killing me) i have got to attend to sports things, and im thinking of dropping the drums and i got school and learning how to sew clothes together , i should probably take one step at a time and list stuff down, all this while having to worry over stupid school issues, a friend told me he wad considering cheating on his girlfriend and i couldn't really keep it in, i felt too guilty so i just said it and hes mad at me, i feel, im gonna ignore that kinda stuff when its really just consuming more time that i need, i think i did the right thing, i would be grateful if someone told me the truth, yet he keeps victimizing himself saying that hes got mental issues, but that isnt really a excuse to hurt others isnt it, yet why do i feel guilty, i guess i was never involved in stuff like this,ever since i was forced to come out of my comfort zone by attending more social events and joining new social groups it feels like things have changed, but i rlly want to go back to that normality i had, although i think its just the nostalgia, i probably wasnt happy at thag point with my life either, but im always trying to hold on to "brighter" times were things seemed easier or less hard..? i really dont know what to do, i just want to quit everything and do art videogames and spend money on plastic( i also havent played anything lately due to being so busy ) recently a figure collector i followed got rid of al her figures to go live in a farm with her discord boyfriend, she made like2700usd isnt that wholesome... ************* 11/2/22 today i got no school, so i made all my pending schoolwork i had to do this morning, my body hurts,... a lot, im planning on buying two more figures, ill specifct which ones on the figure section of the page, since the day has started theres not a lot to tell, 3.2 genshin update was yesterday, i didnt get nahida. even with my 40 wishes at hand, sigh... the dissapointment, i dont know if its even worth it to try with the little wishes ill get trough this last 15 days to get her, i shuld have prepared more, earlier today i waschecking the touhou fandom wiki, the gensokyo timelines is very nice to read, i still find it a bit sad how gensokyo is kinda sealed away from the world but to be fair dont youkai eat humans!!! ************* 11/1/22 good night eveyone !! tuesdays have got to be one of my buisiest days of the week for me but i got no dchool tomorrow so i will be able to work on a lot of stuff nyo specifically on this websited just hobbies. i had to write it down on a paper to not forger.. well! where to start, recently my therapist made me do a letter to someone i recently lost, like some kind of closure? i dunno it felt very dramatic, ermm oh and we got to chose our number in our volleyball team, i chose 27, i will probably go to a tournament out of town on February unless the others get surprisingly better in such a short pspan of time, im also ordering two more fgures hopefully today !! ill update on the fig section but maybe not today depends on my mood but i will surely do it by tomorrow. mm ohi was talking to a friend about persona and SHE randlmly asked some guy if he knew persona as a joke, embarasing .. i feel i have way too much stuff to do lately im a little steessed but this happens mostly because its a weekday, on weekends i feel pretty relaxed normally. my friends are a bit tired of me complaining about how muchi miss somebody, i think im taking quite a funny approach to it but it really makes me sad, well i forgot what else i was gona do, tomorrow ill have a free day ! oll be sure to update earliy ************* 10/31/22 happy halloween!
im in da car writing this, ive been thinking for a while, (actually i do have thoughts everyday and its quite exhausting to say the least) i havebt been excied for something for a while BUT MY FIGURES ARRIVES so im happy, ecpect post of them today at night or tomorrow yipee, theres only 2 days left for nilous banner toend , i hope3.2 arrivessoon so i can pull for nahida i have way too little wishes tho... sigh, yesterday a friende was being mean to me about the music i listen, nut its fine because hes my friend and he's just got issues sometimes, probably . ermmm today i am also going to the party i dont have a good feeling about this either i should have stayed home, i think thats about everything interesting today, i might update more later, i was informed i have an appointment in psychiatric department soon, i really am scared of medication. although i know it is there to help i havebt heard great things about it , but i guess it would give me some dort of validation and ease im not just sad and theres actually something wrong inside i cant help (i do read all ur posts silly..) ************* 10/30/22 goodmorning , :p y friend told me to play persona 3 and so i did, i got a psp emulator working, so im gonna download the milky holmes rom to play it, i got kiled in persona in tartarus floor 5 by a bird, and i forgot to save..... like an hour ago im so mad im gonna take a break from playing because IM MAD IM SO MAD I HAVE TO REDO EVERYTHING >:v my favorite character is junpei hes sooooo silly, aside that nothing interesting tomorrow ive got another party but i dont expect it to be so great, the day has just started so theres not a lot to say rn, mmmmm, today a friend asked me what was i excited about lately, anything im looking forward or anything, i guess christmas ? but i dont feel like ive enjoyed it in quite q while, i guess im waiting for next year ? i cant wait until i get to my new school ,ill be waiting for november 27th too, eeehehhh the milky holmes rom is taking WAY too mmuch to downloadi wish had more people to talk to ************* 10/29/22 i got the chance to play overwatch, it was actually quite fun , i played as mercy and tracer and the bunny robot girl that has way too much porn, i wanted to go to a friends house today but i had a busy day to even consider going, im still dissapointed in the party, i was expecting to have way more stupid fun, but i couldnt bring myself to join in properly , although i got to meet one new person, but were probably never gonna talk again, im really uninterested in going to the other party if im not going to have fun either, the thing is these people were a grade younger, although the friend i did was the cousin of the organizer, so they were just there to make sure nobody kills themselves, the next party might be the same or worse, i just talk to 2 people there, that i know are assisting, and theyre most likely gonna be way too busy to even talk to me, so is there really a reason for me to go, i probably will, to distract myself, isnt this the highschool experience i was waiting for anyways (⁠T⁠T⁠)
next year im dying my hair oh mygawd..., i hope i wont regret it ************* 10/28/22 the party was alright, i met two people, they are nice, i was expecting to have more fun and distract myself, it didnt help so much i need to play genshin.. ************* 10/27/22 im a little worried, i didnt do like 4 assignments this semester, they might pile up later i picked up a witch costumes for both halloween parties im attending, im quite excited for it!i havent gone to a party in like forever!!!, aside from that nothing much happened today, i stumbled across a friend in the costume shop that was.. embarassing to say the least,,, ermmm today my stomach hurted a lot so that was worth of mentioning, andddd, ive got 53 dollars from comissions so far, i wanna save it for a specific event but im too tempted to spend it on another thing right noew....

i am excited for kusanali on genshin ( i have only 30 wishes...) ************* 10/26/22 today i fainted and stayed home all day :p its quite comfy, the days not over yet, so ill udate more later i was getting nostalgic today, i rmembeered that one website with flash games of original characters kind of like sanrio, i specifically liked the uhhhh sandbox games where u could just place characters in a specific scenario https://jmkit.com/ i also remmeber getting so very scared of the spooky halloween themed game ************* 10/25/22 hi! today was quite a busy day, surprisignly enough i do sports, specifically volleyball, and exactly after that i got music classes so i wwas basically out all day, i had fun nontheless... i have some pending art comissions but i have to do school work and i feel a little overwhelmed by things.... dsadly i wont be working on da web today, maybe later, ill go to the hall o ween partay ************* 10/24/22 i'm back now, i hve been thiking of adding an anime/manga section, to keep track of my alreaydy watched and due to watch or read, ill also may add a chatbox thinguie if anybody wants to reccomend anything, ill probably rant there too, not too much 2 mention about today, ill b invited to some sort of halloween party but i feel a bit scared about it, it looks like a shady place, i might not go ************* 10/23/22 i had a cute day today, these last months have been lonely, i hope to fix it by distracting myself with my own website, goodnight ! expect changes tomorrow, more specifically, sections for several subjects